Just when you think everyone knows....

you realize everyone does not know..... today at church I was fine... I have had days and moments of being not fine the past few weeks... sadness seems to creep over me this time of year... but I deal with it... I know why I get teary in a Christmas shop.. and others dont get it.. they think it is cause of M and G... and at times I let it be that way..... today ... today this was not the case....M AND g were ready to go from fellowship... our pastor's wife and her son were at our table.. we were joking about the kids and I was ready to go.. had told her good bye when she asked me about my pin and the ribbons on it..... I stopped and showed it to her.. said it was Emma's pin and the pin was her birthstone color... she looked at me.. and I stopped and realized she did not know about Emma.. I thought she did... I told her that dh and I Had lost a baby in 99 and that she will be 7 on december 9.. and that Max and Gretchen have an older sister... Sarah got the Oh I get it look on her face.... she said.. they talk about her and I just did not know...

I showed her Emma's pic in her locket and she commented on her lips...

( my thought was .. they were dark from being so dehydrated.... ) but said nothing... she said she was a beautiful baby... I got choked up .. I started to tear.. she apologized for asking... I said... " No Sarah it is ok.. this time of year is hard for me.. but it is ok... " she said she would keep me in her prayers... and she was genuine.. not the OMG I feeeeel sorry for you crap we often get from people.. but this was real.... real... I do like sarah.. and her hubby Todd our pastor.. rocks.. they have two kids.. Clara just turned 3 I think.. and Simon who will be 1 shortly.....I had to take off at that point as M and G were tearing off in the hallway.. but I did say.. it is at times like these when I get frustrated with the kids that I take a deep breathe and say... I can do this... and I think she knew I what I meant....so Hey little almost 7 year old girl.. thanks for being there for me today.... sometimes you show yourself in mysterious ways and I need to pay closer attention... and count those darn marbles in the jar.. and watch the sun set more often.....

and poinut out to your little sister and brother the colors of the sky that You help paint...

thank you

Mom