Emma is now 7.....

Where did the past 7 years go.. they flew by and yet somedays felt like they just drug... on and on and on... sometimes I was ok and others I wasn't ... where is my dark haired china doll.. how did she turn 7 in the blink of an eye....

Yesterday we cut the tree.... her siblings her dad and I.. one of 4 we have up now.. we have her tree the onie in the dining room and the one in Max and Gretchen's room and now the one in the living room.. it is HUGE!!!! *LOL* 8 feet tall and beautiful.. she would have loved it and I bet been right there with her dad on the ground cutting it.

Max picked out her "reef"... *L* and we took that to the cemetary yesterday.... after her 2nd cousin's bday party... Annie will be 3 on the 12th.. *sigh* I was ok at the party.. and it did not effect me to much.. I was more worried about the kids saying something about it bing Emma's birthday too.. but Laurie would have understood.. and so would have aunt Carol..

7 is long time.. and yet it isn't.. 7 .. so much has happened in 7 years... would we be where we are now if you were here??? would we have M and g? would daddy have gottne the job in Madison? Would we haev experienced somehting else where our lives changed for what felt like the worst in an instant??? and time stopped and I soooo did not want it to move forward yet I did????

Sonme days it all feels so far a way.. and I am not sure if you are but a memeory or a dream.. and that scares me... I guess I should see it as progress.. but it scares me like I hage hforgotten.. then there are times.. fleeing moments.. when I am right there again.. RIGHT THERE.. and it hurts as badly as it did that first year... and I remember..

I always remember..

Max asked how yoiu werer going to come down for cake.. I said you couldnt that you would have it in heavan.. he asked who would make it for you and have it with you.. I said Gret Grandma Rufer.. I hope she did.. or great Grandma Zettle did... He seemed to think that was an acceptable answer....

I cried pretty hard at one point in the rememgberance service.. during the song the water lily... sobbing.. but then I was ok.. we talked to another mom and dad we knew from when we first lost Emma... their boys were 7 in August and they now hae 2 more sets of twins... their daughters are 6.. and beautiful.. I wonder if you would have been like them.. all into clothes and jewelry.. and beautiful... I pifture you with wild black hair.. and snapping dark eyes.. and a temperament like me and Gretchen's!!! *LOL*

There were not many others there I recognized anymore... other babies names I know.. I wonder how the moms and dads are doing...

7 years is a long time.. but we have all grown because o fyou and the things you brought to us.. and the memories you help us create...

I was commenting on how many grandhildren Brad's parents have.. I said no there are not that many.. they only have 4... he correected me and said.. "5".. I was shocked I said only 4 and commented on how I ihad never done that before.. our friend said.. and He corercted you.. good for him... *sigh.. he does remember....

SO happy Birthday to my eldest child.. you are always in my heart and in my mind.. and with us.. we miss you and love you...

Mommy