Sometimes I just feel kind of bummed....

and I think it is due to the weather at least I hope so....

thinking maybe I need some mroe time off more days in a row.....????????

has been sunny today and that has been helpful.. but I still need something.. not sure what I need but something.... maybe it is a different job... maybe it is a different partner... that is the biggest gripe I have right now... other than the money issue.. which is soon to be changed with taxes.. but it always appears to be not not.. I should not complain but still sometimes the situuatoins I get us in.. really sucks....

try hard not to be negative... try to be positive.. sometimes it is just harder than I think it should be.. maybe I need more support... from work... and I need to be less negative to my kids.....

but we are healthy we are in a decent position.. we will be ok...

So they are talking about moving to AZ....

the in laws that is.. not sure I like this at all... what bout M and G.. what about the family here in WI???? what if we need something.. what if something happens to them.....

Sigh..what if they feel better when they are there says dh.. we cant tell them to stay here when they feel better there...

ok this is all true.. but it does not mean I have to like it right???? it does not mean I have to be ok with it .. right????

*sigh*..... I dont like it.. and I am not ok with with it.....


me

again it has been to long since I have been here...

Do you ever feel like things are just to crazy, like life gets away from you and you will freak out soon if things dont change???

that is how I feel, I am tired of the snow, tired of the cold, tired of being stuck in my house.. and tired of not having any money.. tired of feelings like I have to do it all...

Part of that is my fault.. I will take that on.... the money issue is my fault... and the feelings like I have to do it all... work wise.. well part of that is me.. but I do get tired of reminding and reminding and not getting an answer and feelings like I am crazy some times cause I KNOW i told him what needed to happen.. and he does not remember or does not do it...

and as far as being at home... I often feel like I have to do it all.. make the phone calls check on things.. be sure this happens.. WTF!!!!! cant you do anything???? How many children do I have anyhow???? # here on earth????

I soooooooooooooo need a freaking vacation... it is crazy.. how stressed I am....

just looked out the window... it is snowing.. AGAIN... Big surprise there.... but it lends to my craziness and crazy feelings....

I can tell I am stressed cause my neck hurts and I have tight shoulders... I hold a lot of my stress in my shoulders and it does not hwlp that my period is here.. AGAIN... and my emotions wack....

I just need time off.. more then next wednesday.... and I also need some more contact with my female friends.... it would be nice to have a female for a therapy partner.. as I struggle a lot with having a male.....

I also think that the weather, as I said before has a lot to do with my attitude... and how I feel.... I wish we could walk daily.. but the weather is keeping me from getting out.... darn cold......

I hate it tha tI dont really eant to do get the kids... I hate it that I worry it will be stressful and I will yell..

I hate it that my dh teases about not getting it enough.. but he isnot wiling to make the overture to make it happen....

I hate feeling responsible for EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

maybe I need to go do Raiki again.. I need to let some of this crap go...

and I need to get here more often...