I always seem to come back.....

And now it is because Mike has Colon Cancer. We did not make this journey with Cory as we are making it with Mike. I guess it is because we are closer to he and Heather then we were to Cory. I just wonder why. As I said on my facebook page, today I search for an answer to why... and all i can come up with is ..." it is what it is..." i hope that is enough.. but is it??? for me for those around me.. I wish it was as I dont feel like it is.

I want so badly for this all to go away for them.. for us... it is hard to see, listen to.. not cry.. not be angry in front of them.. it sucks.. I should be able to but dont feel like I can.

I want Brad to get a damn colonoscopy... really ... he should.. his father had colon cancer... I am not ready for him to get it also....

Searching through my mindfulness stuff and the radical acceptance stuff to find some meaning in all of this.. I keep thinking about the song Live like you were dying.... I find it inappropriate to put on Mike's facebook page as he is dying... and yet that all seems so surreal.. I pray that the only cancer they find is what they know is already there....

This sucks....