Saturday...............

Life is about change....

Dh is at the Badger game... 24 27 go Badgers.... I am ready for him to come home... why??? odd but there is only so much I can take.. and sometimes it is what I can take of me....does that make sense??? I need time... I need a break out of the house.. even though the kids are sleeping... I need to get out an pound the pavement.... 200 crunches.. and WP B and T just does not appear to be enough... another yoga class at supreme fitness would rock....

And how odd is it that when I was stressed with the kids.. I felt like eating.. those old patterns just need to get out of my head... it is progress that I did not eat.. although I wanted too... *sigh*....

My period.. if you can call it that is here.. lining... minimal dark staining... but some on the toilet paper... I hate this.. need to track how often it is coming again.. then email Kristi....

And my psoriasis.. appears to be getting worse to me.. more break out spots.. and my follow up is not until the 8th of November.....

Stopped to see Emma yesterday... no pumpkin and no flowers.. one rose for 3.49???????????/ no way.. I think she understood but when I was talking to her about it she did not reply....

we got out invite to the memorial service yesterday... It is DEcember 9... December 9.... Emma's 7th bday.... I am not sure how I feel about this.. my hands initially shook and I caught my breathe.. my chest was tight.. I cried... maybe a special way to remember her???? but then again.. will it be harder?????

*sigh* I hate this

Randome Friday thoughts...

Life is about change....

'It is 7 a.m. and it is still dark out.. YUCK.. it is also cold and damp.. I hate this kind of weather.. makes my ankle hurt..

the kids are ready for their Halloween party at daycare.. just waiting til we can leave... made cupcakes for the party too.. and frosting ...

Talked to Shannon this morning... Savannah is going to be 7..... I forgot she was onoly a month older than Emma... it is weird to see Savannh and wonder how Emma woudl be and how she would do and what she would say.. Would she be as big.. would she act the same.. Drama Queen???? *L*

I am going to go to the cemetary today... might take her a pumpkin... I think she needs one..

also need to make my appt. to get my tattoo .. probably going to do that on or around her birthday.... *sigh*

Another Wednesday....

Life is about change....

Brad has been leaving early every day this week and is getting home a lot earlier.. it helps a lot... although some of the arguing in the morning could stop!!!! It gets a little old... however I would rather he be gone in teh morning as opposed to not being home at night.. and still being gone before we are in the morning...

It is geting much colder out.. daylight savings is next week.. changing of the leaves.. brings back those memories from 7 years ago.. *sigh*... soon she will be 7... and who thinks about her but me... does dh??? Sometimes I dont know.. the kids asked for god blessums for Emma last night.. I thought that was sweet.. they said she watches over us... and she does... still at times.. I wish she was here...

I had dh run off a new pic of her for me the other night.. so I could put it in my locket.. there has not been one in there forever.. I have been ok with it.. but feel the need ot have one in there now.. so I glued it in this morning.. and hopefully it will stick.. she sure is beautiful.. I wonder what she would look like now... a darker version of our little girl???

hmmm sometimes.. I just dont know.. it all seems so far away most days.. like a bad dream.. but there are times.. those few times.. when it kicks me in the teeth.. takes my breath away.. that has happened out of the blue.. and it is like it is all new again.....

time to get ready to go to work....

ack what happened to my blog from earlier...

Life is about change....

ok soooooooooo I was wrong.. I vented about him NOT diong what I asked and being passive aggressive and tossing my magazine and the paper.. and come to find out he did not do it on purpose!!!

Thank god I kept my mouth shut~~~ but am still irriated that I was up doing house work when he was napping!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr SSDD!!!!

Feeling better now...

Day did not start off the best.. and ended stressful...but I am ok now.. sometimes doing therapy takes a lot out of me... and the last session today could have gone alot longer.. then when I get home.. I get mad b/c dh did not ask me about next thursday and volunteered to bring a salad.. and I figured it meant he was going to be gone another night after work when I need him to pick up the kids.. ummm no... but then I could not get in the email either.. he was coola bout it...

someone was watching over me tonight too cause I did not get the ticket I anticipated getting!!!! thank god!!!!

and only up .6 back op tomorrow!!!!! need to drop that wait.. dont like being over 180... but it is better than 322 any day!!!!

easily angered and he is right...

Life is about change....

but I will be dam#$%ed if I tell him that... I want to do the race.. want to get the money in and he was not really wanting to send it in.. do you want to do the race.. yes.. well sign the wavier.. what if it rains what if it is cold are you going to want to do it then??? how much do we save by doing this early.. 20$ so sign.. and I will send it in later next week.. this is somethign I WANT To do!!! dont let me down!!!

He is right ya know.. but it stil sucks.....

GRRRR!~~~~ off to work...

The Party was a Success...

Life is about change....

and I was ok once I saw my cousin... the only thing is.. she is due in April and she is telling me that the doc thinks they are having a girl.. they are going to get it confirmed next month.. I told her not to buy to much girlie stuff yet as it is waaaaaaaaaaay to soon... but well I think I was ignored..oh well...

I did ok once I saw her and her being pg and all.. the one saving grace was that I thought she was putting on to much weight!!!! *LOL* bad me!!!! But I love her.. and did not say anything... I did hear her say that her doc said she is putting on to much... oh well.. not me...

On the other hand.. I got LOTS of compliments about how good I looked.. and it felt good.. talked to my cousins about run/walks and how addicting they are.. also talked to another cousin about turning 40 and the fact that we cant believe how OLD we are!!!! I did well eating too..except for the chocolate and buttersctch carmel after Brad went to bed@!!! not cool.. then today did well til I hit the dessert tray.. again not cool.. veggies for supper!!!! might make some sweet potato fries...

Was a good weekend all in all... am tired now.. as sleeping in mom and dad's bed really sucks.. oh well..

Oh and mom and dad are going to watch the kids for us on the 11th of Noevember so we can do the Tyranena race!!!!!

Life is about change....

Life is about change....

My dad's retireement party is today... and we have to get one more present for my mom for her birthday and get the kids hair cut and drop off pasties and drop off the dog.. before we go!!!!
Geez can there be any more to do??

one of my cousin's is pg.. my sister called her fat Jen.. My initial reactoin was well let's hope this pg lasts and she does not have any problems... what is up with that??? will I always feel this way??? Why do I not feel pessimistic about others that have lost kids and have subsequent babies.. why is that ok???

Why am I not upet ... that our friends on the board are pg.. I dont get this at all... things to ponder I guess...

Found another house we like.. it is in the building phase.. but man is it huge.. and a nice price.. where we want to....

Also stopped at @nd Wind to look at eliptical machines.. had the guy there tell me I was fit already.. cool huh?? that made me feel good.. yet another reason to want to either go walk this morning or get some PIlates in... which I better go finish my oatmeal and get going.. it is 7:10 already...

Life is about change....

Life is about change....

dh got home safely from lax.. he even got home early and picked up the kids.. which for me meant that I got to go to our last therapy appt!!! WOWOO!!!

And dh brought home gifts... he got two cool stuffed animals .. one for each of the kids.... and I got a neat night shirt with mooses on it!!!! LOVE IT!! I was pleasantly surprised!!! sounds like he had a good time while he was gone too...

Today is dh's last working day at his present job... he is out walking now... I think he is probably anxious.. I know I was when I had my last day at ICDSS... but dont regret my change to my new job at Foundations at all!!! The onlyt hing for right now til we get moved that will be the bummer is the drive into the university... we are going to do it tomorrow... and see how long it takes him to get there....

Then we will mess around in Madison.. and go to lunch.. get java.. OF C OURSE!!! and then go look at two houses in Barneveld... but for today.. we must get through today.. should be a good day.. only two clients for me.. and thensarah and I are goingt o have lunch.. get the kids and take balloons to dh at his place of employment.. he has NO idea.. and of course I Have not told the kids as they wont be able to keep it quiet!!!

I was down 2 last night at WI... and not need to work on losing that last 3 by the end of October... more would be ok.. but I want that last 3 off.. sometjhing about being over 180 that bugs me... I am not that far from it now... at 179.8... but another puound or two heere and there will help me get farther from that.. this weekend I have to watch it as we have dad's retirement and mom'sbrunch... must stay away form the food and the beverage!!!!

Sometimes do you ever feel like you just need a break......

hubby is at a training.. and I am home with the kids.. it is ok really.. but I get angry sometimes then feel bad that I got angry.. how crazy is that??? So I escape to the computer and the kids watch tv... hmm something is wrong here.. I could feel badly about not spending enough time with my kids.. but other times I really feel like I need that break to just be me... sometimes doing therapy takes a lot out of me.. and I dont have a lot left for my family at night... as all mom's know that is a full time job in itself...

I really feel like I am respected by my bosses.. and they appreciate what I do.. like to night.. my one boss talked to me about some billing stuff and volunteered to pay me before we got paied from insurance.. I commented that I got it and that they did not need to do that.. however I also was fully aware that there may be times that doing outpatient is a risk.. total risk... and she really appreciated that....tried to explain that to my dad tonight but I am not sure he got it....

I just looked at my son's feet... ok total tangent here.. and he started giggling as I was picking lint off his toes... then our daughter asked me to tickle her and I said no not right now.. what???? geez mom.. what is the deal... see I am harder on myself then I am on others.. .*sigh*

RANDOM thoughts of an over worked mom!!!! Made pumpkin salsa soup tonight.. it wa awesome and I ate more than I should have.. thinking I will have some java after the kids go to bed.. and maybe look at some paperwork for hte office.. but then again.. maybe not...might just chill.. although I like not having hubby around.. I do miss him... *sigh* but he will be home tomorrow...

Guess that is it for tonight.. unless I come back again...